Deary me. It's been such a long time since I shared our lives with you, and you have my sincerest apologies.

Just a quick catch-up for now but I promise to write in more detail in the near future. Our biggest news is that Hester and I got married, now that it is possible for people like us to do so, in 2017. We had a very special venue, but more of that later. Hester is now a big cheese (as I believe the Americans say) in the local community and has recently been elected as a Parish Councillor. I am supposed to doff my cap in respect, but I don't wear one. Only kidding, she is still the humble person she always was. If you have ever seen "The Vicar of Dibley" you will have an idea what the council meetings are like!

As usual I am rambling on. I hope you all have a Merry New year (it certainly is round our house) and I look forward to further catching up with you next year.

Cheerie

Martyne

A Night to Remember

It seems that the idea of a "gap year" is still popular with a certain class of students. I may have taken more like 18 months off but I have convinced myself that the principle is just the same. Whatever the maths may be, it's good to be back.

A friend recently moaned to me about the trauma she experienced whilst trying to make a train journey. I told her she should have taken the sleeper train Hester and I went on recently. It was there when we wanted to board it and we had a good night's sleep untroubled by a bumpy ride.


I'm actually being a bit economical with the truth my dears. The "train" was in fact a couple of old railway carriages converted into bedrooms and attached to a bar and restaurant. As such, it didn't move an inch the whole night, although the heavier trains on the nearby East Coast Main Line did cause it to shake a bit! Quite soothing really.

Lately Hester and I have taken to having a "Festive Experience" rather than spending a lot of money on presents. Last year we did the Harry Potter Studio Tour in London. Despite spending over 3 hours there we still didn't see half of the stuff on show. You could get a picture taken of you playing Quidditch (due to some electronic trickery I presume) but when I told some, so called, friends about my regret at not having time to do so, they made some very hurtful comments about me and flying on broomsticks!

As you can see our bedroom was very posh and had a large bed with a duvet and black quilt. Lovely chairs and matching drapes as well. All very romantic although curtains right around the bed would have been even better
.

Robert informs me that our bedroom was based on a British Rail Mk1 compartment carriage but I don't really care. Hester and I had a lovely Christmas meal, including mulled wine, some sherries, and a night in a four-poster bed. So much nicer than getting an Xbox 1 or a PS4, whatever they are!

Living the Good Life 

 

As usual I have been very remiss about keeping up this blog. I promise to write much more frequently in future.

It's amazing to think that Hester and I have been living in Ayton Upthorpe for over 3 years now. The enclosed picture was taken from outside our Village Hall a few months ago. I have to give Hester the credit for the lenswork. I 've got myself one of those little digital camera things that are so popular now and will post some of my own shots in due course.

Hester has flourished in the countryside and is now a keen gardener. Thankfully she hasn't got any more begging letters since  the RBS bonus thing died down. She seems much more relaxed now. I wonder if Miss Amy Childs ever did get the bojangle, or whatever she called it, for her dear pussy. She seemed a lovely old girl.

I could witter on for hours (Hester will testify to that) but I intend to adopt a new policy of little and often when it comes to my musings.

Take care my dears.

 

It's all got a bit Hester-ical.

It seems there is a rumour going around that my beloved earns a lot of money. I assure you that this is ,sadly, not the case. She is the victim of mistaken identity.

Recent press reports that "Hester earns £1.2m annually" may well have some foundation, but it does not refer to my dear partner. Someone, who works for the Royal Bank of Scotland, is scooping this money. I don't know who she is, but I will be having a few stiff words when I track her down.

We have had a lot of begging letters, and I do feel for some of the writers.

Miss Childs of Essex, is particularly close to my heart. I am sure you are an elderly lady in similar circumstances to myself. I am most touched by your request for money to spend on your pussy. No doubt you live alone, and wish to spend some money on pampering. I am however, concerned that you wish to have it shaved and covered in diamonds. Is this really the best way to treat your cat? Our local vet certainly doesn't offer this service.

Hope I have cleared up any misunderstandings.

Train of Thought

Robert sent me the above picture recently. He says it is a "Class 180", whatever that is supposed to mean. He further claims it belongs to the a little railway company called Grand Central. I might be getting old, but I can clearly see that it says "First" on the front. I sometimes wonder if he always tells me the truth.

Anyway, I am happy to report that he is in fine fettle at the moment. He's been watching "James May's Toy Stories" on the TV and is inspired to start a new project. He intends to build a Hadron Collider using his old Meccano set. Apparently there's a group of scientists in Europe doing something similar, but they are having some teething problems. Robert reckons he'll get his up and running first.

He tells me that once that's done, he is going to use it to look for Higgs the Bos'n, or someone like that. I told him he would probably be better trying Friends Reunited. His response, to say the least, was rather frosty. I was only trying to help, and I am sure they will have a section for tracing old naval types, if only he would give them a try.

I will let you know how he gets on.

Prodigal Child Returns?

It's been eight months, to the day, since I last posted! You might think all the things that have happened in the last year, or so, distracted me from ranting in my usual style, but you'd be wrong. I'm just as fractious as ever. I just didn't seem to feel the need to put pen to paper like I used to. But LOCK UP YOUR DAUGHTERS. I'm back.

My move to Yorkshire with Hester has certainly had a calming effect on my soul but I still have a bit of rebelling to do before they finally nail the lid on. I am currently looking for a local Seniors club to join, and terrorise. One of my heroines is Carol McGiffin from "Loose Women", so they had better look out.

I am going to write a weekly diary, starting soon, but my next post will feature the two people who mean most to me in the world, brother Robert and my dearest Hester.

Meanwhile, I got the above photo from my old friend Teena. When I say old, I of course mean very young looking for her advancing age. Phew, disaster averted!

Apparently these birds have right of way in Dunfermline and can carry Store Cards under their wings. OK, I was lying about the last bit....

Onwards and Upwards, I Guess

It has been very remiss of me to not share my musings with you lately. Much has gone on in the last few weeks and I have failed to put pen to paper, in an electronic sort of way.

I am about to start a new life, but in ways I am finding it hard to let go of the old one. Royal Mail had no such qualms. They pensioned me off in January. I miss getting out and about and meeting people. Just for nostalgia's sake here is a picture of my little "Postman Pat" van I took outside a retirement complex shortly before my accident. Quite apt really.

As for the new, Hester and I are moving to Yorkshire soon. No more commuting up and down the British isles for us. We plan to travel, but this time it will be for pleasure and not for expediency. I suspect now would NOT be a good time to buy shares in Virgin Trains given the sharp drop in revenue they will experience.

Hester started a new job in a Huddersfield school yesterday. She seems to be enjoying it, which is good. I would love to work in education again but after the "incident" at Girton Ladies college many years ago I fear my services would not be sought after.

I promise to not be such a stranger in future. I am going through scary times at the moment and would love to share them with you. It's a big thing to do what I am doing at my age, but I have never lost my sense of adventure despite all my recent hard times, and I hope I never will.

Sweeney You Swine

I have decided to shelve my plans to start a travelogue, for now. Instead I am going to comment, yet again, on the lamentable state of British TV. The reason being I lost a valuable hour of my life, earlier in the week, watching Claire Sweeney: My Big Fat Diet. I should know better than to expect intelligent life at ITV1, but I'm an eternal optimist.
I can't wait to see how Ms Sweeney's programme does at this years BAFTA awards. I put it as the front runner for the "Most Tedious Rehash of the Bleedin' Obvious" gong.
And it gets better. "Here's the science bit" as a famous advert used to say. If Claire eats too much she puts on weight! And not only that. If she puts on weight she finds it harder to jump up and down. If I were to say Nobel, Prize, Physics and Chemistry, I am sure you know what I mean. I'm sure she's got this year all sewn up, and it's only January.
The other BAFTA this piece is bound to scoop is "Programme Most Likely to Make the Average Woman Feel Bad about Herself". Well done Claire, you push off to your expensive gym to shed the pounds you piled on for this ludicrous "experiment".
Then the only thing heavy about you will be the big fat cheque you got for taking part in this charade.

Tempus Fugit (as the posh people say)

It seems that six months have flown by since I last put pen to paper, so to speak. My life has been turned upside down in the last year, as my regular readers know, and the latter half of 2008 was all a bit of a blur, hence the title.

Hester and I did a lot of travelling between Auld Reekie (Edinburgh) and her house in Darkest England, and as a consequence, I have acquired a strange desire to manufacture and sell clothes pegs!

For now, though, I am just going to say a quick hello. More to follow later, Much more.

Take care my dears.

Oh Dear, Oh Dear

After having spent far too much time watching daytime TV in the last few weeks I have finally dragged myself away from the set to try and get my life back on course. Maybe it's my age or possibly it's a by-product of my accident but I feel an even stronger desire, than before, to highlight the world's wrongs. You may think I have lost a bit of my decorum in the process but it is possibly necessary in order to get my point across.
A prime example is "Big Brother"
I can only stand so much of the goings-on of the IQ minus contestants but I did enjoy the companion programmes.
Not any more.
Russell Brand has long since stopped doing the late night programme and now "Big Brother's Little Brother" has gone to the dogs due to the departure of the lovely Dermot O'Leary.
And most of the blame has to be lumped on the, not inconsiderable, shoulders of new "presenter" Zezi Ifore. She has curiously adopted a very dated 1980's "yoof" style despite only having been born half way through the decade!
Although I find it morally reprehensible, I hope she got the job through some sort of "casting couch" style interview. I would hate to think she was hired because someone thought she was even vaguely capable of doing the job. I recently asked a friend if she could find a practical use for Zezi. After much thought she replied "I suppose you could use her as a paperweight, although she might take up an inordinate amount of desk space due to her bulk".
Dermot was a cheeky chappy who was well presented, witty, funny and fitted his clothes nicely. Zezi is......different.
Why not visit her blog and "marvel" at the outpourings of an alumna of Oxford University. If you manage to crack the code and translate it in to intelligible English, please let me know! You can find her at http://www.zezizezi.blogspot.com/

I'm Back

Just a short note to let you all know I am back at the helm. I had plans to go over the wall at night, or even dig a tunnel, but the hospital authorities let me out through the front door on Friday afternoon. They even provided an ambulance to take me home. Still no blue flashing lights but I'm getting used to it by now.
I am currently camped out in Chez Hester with my walking frame, grabber and a small tipple to keep my throat moist. My days are filled with watching TV, writing and reading. Most relaxing, if somewhat limiting.
This morning provided slightly more excitement though. I had a visit from Margaret, the district nurse. She came to remove the staples which were put in to hold my wound together. It was a bit painful at times but the whole thing was soon over. The sad thing about this whole episode is that my bikini wearing days are now over. I can't see it, but I must have a scar about 10 inches long running down my left thigh!
It's good to be back and I look forward to getting my teeth back into my blogging.
Take care my dears.

as bright as a new pin

Well I'm back here to give you all an update on Marteen. She was in the operating theatre for several hours on Wednesday and now has a brand spanking, shiny new hip.
When I saw her on Wednesday evening she was very groggy and in a lot of pain which the medical staff were trying to alliviate for her. I was quite concerned about her that night as she didn't seem to know where she was and was quite confused. By the next morning Marteen had bounced back into the land of the living, when I say bounced it was more sort of hopped as she wasn't allowed to put any weight on the new joint.
Over the last couple of days Marteen has started to improve and we are both relieved to find that both her legs seem to be the same length again, the fractured one had shortened and we had visions of her spending the rest of her life walking round in circles.
She must be getting better, she has started moaning about the hospital food and I have had instructions to take something nice in for her so this afternoon will see her enjoying a bowl of strawberries and cream!
I'm really looking forward to her release and being able to spend some quality time together especially now the weather has picked up.

Who's the daddy?

Hello all again, the title may have you wondering what's going on. It was a question I was nearly asking Marteen, and at her age too!
As I mentioned in my first post Marteen is having a series of tests in hospital and yesterday's test was an ultra sound scan. You can imagine the mileage she got out of that one, being wheeled down to the maternity department and being surrounded by a large collection of pregnant women. She is not pregnant, which is hardly surprising given her age and me not having the relevant equipment to provide such a situation. She did get a few funny looks though, given that a woman of 63 gave birth not so long ago.
We don't know why they did this test but the results were fine. The weirdest test she has had was the person who came in, measured round her ankle and up to her knee on her good leg, then left. Answers on a postcard for that one please!

nothing to do

Hello again, Marteen has been getting bored in the hospital and yesterday in a fit of enthusiasm she wrote a post on some paper which I am now going to post for you all.
I quote.....
Hello my dears.
In a strange quirk of fate I am writing a guest post on my own blog. I am more than happy t0 pass the reins over to the more than capable Hester whilst I am out of circulation, but I couldn'tresist the temptation to get my teeth into one of my old favourites, "The McCann circus".
Should you have been taking a gap year in some part of the world where electricity has yet to be invented, you might not be aware that 12 months ago a little girl vanished, and the global press went bonkers. For many months the world's scriptwriters and dramatists have been observed to tear their hair out in large clumps whilst wailing "God why have you forsaken us? How can we compete with such a glorious plot?" On the back of this affair, thousands of the world's journalists have grown very fat on the rich pickings available. My continuing issue with the McCanns has taken a new twist given that today (or at least it was when I wrote this) is the anniversary of the little girl's disappearance.
So how are we to celebrate the occasion? I suppose bunting and balloons are out. Maybe something like releasing "Madeleine the Movie", which is surely in production if not actually completed. My much more tasteful favourite choice, given the current lunatic fashion, would be for the McCanns to show their respect by observing a 12 month silence! If only! So if you really want to do something useful, why not follow the McCanns advice and leave a porch light on.
As I write my head is filled with images of some of the bright young things on BBC 1's Apprentice this week. One team was so passionate about green issues that they wanted card companies to turn the odd forest or two into greetings cards so people could pass on the ecological message. You might just detect a slight flaw in their plan, but they are still a bit wet behind the ears.
So what might these munchkins make of the McCanns wasteful proposal? Like me they are probably having an appoplectic fit! Thank God there is still some sanity left in the world. If I were to discover that Boris Johnstone had taken over London or something like that then it would all be over. Oh dear!

Excitement? Just fed up

Hello......it's Hester here, at least I hope it is if I've managed to press the right buttons, so you may notice a different style to this blog.

I have decided (under what Marteen calls encouragement, I call pushiness) to write a guest blog to inform all her readers of the plight she is currently in.
As you are all aware Marteen took a nasty tumble at the beginning of March and damaged her leg. Just when things should be improving a whole new saga starts.........

On Monday evening I took Marteen to the doctor's so that she could acquire a new supply of drugs and a further sick note to appease her boss. This was yet another new face for her to see, due to the retirement of the previous GP, and he decided that she should get an X-ray - "just for piece of mind" he said, I suspect otherwise and that he had his own suspicions but I digress. Anyway early Tuesday morning, having phoned my work to say I would be late, saw us first in the queue at the X-ray unit and this was when they discovered the reason for Marteen's continued agony. She has a fractured hip!!
When they discovered that she had in fact been to A & E TWICE and no X-ray had been done they were appalled and suddenly things started moving. She was to be transferred straight away to the orthopaedic department of the local hospital, yes the same one that houses the A & E department who don't X-ray, and an ambulance was summoned. I of course had to phone my work and book a holiday day as there was no way I was going to make it into work after all. Marteen was placed on a trolley and moved into a side room where I was allowed to sit with her while we waited for the ambulance. Around half an hour later an ambulance arrived and "two dishy paramedics" (Marteen's words) expertly transferred her onto an ambulance trolley and into the ambulance. I think Marteen quite enjoyed that bit as they kept calling her young lady! As the ambulance set off Marteen got a bit upset because they didn't put the flashy lights and siren's on.

At the hospital Marteen was again expertly transferred onto a gurney and wheeled into a cubicle. Strange how for weeks she has been told it is muscle damage and to keep moving her leg now all of a sudden her feet haven't touched the floor. I was allowed to remain with her and several hours passed while various nurses and doctors came and poked, prodded, pricked, jabbed, stole blood and asked many many many questions. Eventually a porter appeared and told her she was on the move, he then pushed her through miles and miles of hospital corridors with a nurse and myself in tow until we reached the ward where Marteen is now residing.
Marteen is now undergoing a series of tests so that the surgeons can decide the best course of action to take, a hip replacement either full or partial has been mentioned but we just have to play the waiting game for a few more days yet.

I am now on hospital visiting duty every night after work, trying to keep her spirits up but they wouldn't let me take any in for her! Only joking but if truth be told I am worried about her and I miss her being around at home but don't any of you tell her that.

Well bye bye for now and I will try to keep you all posted of her progress.

Help Wanted (Apply Within)

Two posts in three days! I've broken my writers block at last.

I have been doing a lot of thinking during my enforced leisure time. Some of it has been directed towards this blog. I seem to have lost my way a bit, or as Austin Powers would put it, I've lost my mojo! Those of you who read me regularly will know that my life has been in turmoil these last few months. My mother passed away at the end of last year, I think I've finally found the love of my life (although I will always hold a torch for George Clooney) and I have injured my left leg so badly that I've not been able to walk for two months. Certainly turbulent times. It has dented my confidence and I am not sure what direction I am going in any more. Hopefully I will soon be back on an even keel, but until then I will probably be all over the place, for which I apologise.

With all that's been going on with me recently I haven't felt the urge to comment on the world around me like I used to. I have therefore decided, at least for the moment, to concentrate on the personal diary aspect of this blog and pass the "social comment baton" onto someone else. I had hoped Robert would take up the mantle but it seems he is too busy burying his head in his encyclopedia and going train spotting. Hopefully I will find somebody before the"McCann Circus" arrives back in town to celebrate their first anniversary later in the week. It's too good an opportunity to miss. Applicants should also be keen to deride The Apprentice on BBC TV. I'll keep you posted.

Publish or be Damned

It seems the title of my last post is very apt. Although it only feels like a short time, I have been a lady of leisure for nearly eight weeks now. That is to say, because of my current inability to walk, I have not been able to go to my work. I have not been totally idle though.
In the last few days, for instance, I have spent many hours trying to contact BT. I arranged to transfer to another Broadband supplier before I hurt my leg and this went through in the first week of March. Despite this, BT have billed me up to the end of April!
So, if you are stuck indoors on a rainy afternoon some day, here is a cheap way to keep you amused for a while. Phone BT on 0800 800150. Imagine that, like me, you have been overcharged for Broadband. You will find you are presented with endless menus from which you will have to make choices. You will also be asked to type in your full phone number on numerous occasions. When you find yourself in a loop, as you almost certainly will, change one of your choices and see what happens.
Award yourself 1 point for A) Every menu you encounter, B) Every minute your call lasts and C) Every time you type in your phone No.. If you actually get to speak to a human being before you accumulate 100 points I will probably die of shock. My current record is 26 for no result and I had to ring off in order to preserve what is left of my sanity.
Happy dialing.

Time Flies

Can't believe it's a fortnight since I last wrote! Hester has been on holiday for 10 days so I am going to blame her for distracting me. She will probably have other ideas when she reads this.
We spent last week in Edinburgh. It seems to be our karma of late to commute between Hester's flat, my flat, and my late mother's flat. We have become modern day nomads!
Although our recent stay in mum's flat was productive in terms of sorting out her paperwork (a nightmare) and tidying up some of her effects, I was unable to do certain things. I had the phone line disconnected a while back so I couldn't surf the Internet. Disaster. I have fallen in love with my Broadband. Hester's Dial-Up (which I am using now) is soooo painfully slow but no connection at all is too much to bear. I am sure it is responsible for the rash I am currently suffering.
Sadly my leg is still far from recovered and I was unable to climb the stairs up to my own flat. Good old Hester came to the rescue though. She also went to the bank and payed all the outstanding bills for both flats so I now have no fears about the utilities bashing down either of the doors in order to disconnect gas or electricity supplies.
As you have probably guessed we are back at Hester's place in Darkest England now. I am signed off work for a further month so there is no hurry for me to return to Edinburgh. Hester is back at work so I am going to spend my time checking out the blogosphere and catching up with my own paperwork. But first I am going to watch Loose Women. Need to get my priorities right!

Supplies Running Low

Day 18 in Hester's House (best pronounced in a Geordie accent). Fortunately the management have kept the Newcastle Brown ( my new tipple) flowing or I would have gone stir crazy by now. Is it me or does this post have a North-East flavour to it?
More concerning is that I have run out of clean knickers! I had a rummage through Hester's drawers (make what you will of that) and am currently wearing a pair of frilly purple ones. A bit too flashy by my standards but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. I hope Hester doesn't mind.
All going well she will be driving me back to Edinburgh at the weekend and staying for a few days. Between one thing and another I will be seeing her most days this month so there is an upside to this episode.

A Spot of Culture

I went out to the theatre a couple of nights ago. The students at Hester's college were performing "Kiss me Kate". First time I have experienced such culture for a long time and I enjoyed myself.
I have now been staying with Hester for ten days or so and this was the first time I had been out of the house other than for a visit to the local Accident & Emergency Department! She drove me to the theatre, and back, but I was able to hobble in and out of the building under my own steam. I have got a couple of walking sticks from Hester which means I am at least partly mobile.
The kids put on a very good show. Thinking about their average age it struck me that I am old enough to be a grandmother to most of them. A bit disconcerting. Unfortunately I shared this fact with Hester and I suspect she will be casting it up for a long time to come, and me a poor invalid as well!
My leg might be a bit gammy but my fingers still work fine so I will still be able to share my experiences with you, even if I can't post any pictures for now.
Take Care.