It's all got a bit Hester-ical.

It seems there is a rumour going around that my beloved earns a lot of money. I assure you that this is ,sadly, not the case. She is the victim of mistaken identity.

Recent press reports that "Hester earns £1.2m annually" may well have some foundation, but it does not refer to my dear partner. Someone, who works for the Royal Bank of Scotland, is scooping this money. I don't know who she is, but I will be having a few stiff words when I track her down.

We have had a lot of begging letters, and I do feel for some of the writers.

Miss Childs of Essex, is particularly close to my heart. I am sure you are an elderly lady in similar circumstances to myself. I am most touched by your request for money to spend on your pussy. No doubt you live alone, and wish to spend some money on pampering. I am however, concerned that you wish to have it shaved and covered in diamonds. Is this really the best way to treat your cat? Our local vet certainly doesn't offer this service.

Hope I have cleared up any misunderstandings.

Train of Thought

Robert sent me the above picture recently. He says it is a "Class 180", whatever that is supposed to mean. He further claims it belongs to the a little railway company called Grand Central. I might be getting old, but I can clearly see that it says "First" on the front. I sometimes wonder if he always tells me the truth.

Anyway, I am happy to report that he is in fine fettle at the moment. He's been watching "James May's Toy Stories" on the TV and is inspired to start a new project. He intends to build a Hadron Collider using his old Meccano set. Apparently there's a group of scientists in Europe doing something similar, but they are having some teething problems. Robert reckons he'll get his up and running first.

He tells me that once that's done, he is going to use it to look for Higgs the Bos'n, or someone like that. I told him he would probably be better trying Friends Reunited. His response, to say the least, was rather frosty. I was only trying to help, and I am sure they will have a section for tracing old naval types, if only he would give them a try.

I will let you know how he gets on.

Prodigal Child Returns?

It's been eight months, to the day, since I last posted! You might think all the things that have happened in the last year, or so, distracted me from ranting in my usual style, but you'd be wrong. I'm just as fractious as ever. I just didn't seem to feel the need to put pen to paper like I used to. But LOCK UP YOUR DAUGHTERS. I'm back.

My move to Yorkshire with Hester has certainly had a calming effect on my soul but I still have a bit of rebelling to do before they finally nail the lid on. I am currently looking for a local Seniors club to join, and terrorise. One of my heroines is Carol McGiffin from "Loose Women", so they had better look out.

I am going to write a weekly diary, starting soon, but my next post will feature the two people who mean most to me in the world, brother Robert and my dearest Hester.

Meanwhile, I got the above photo from my old friend Teena. When I say old, I of course mean very young looking for her advancing age. Phew, disaster averted!

Apparently these birds have right of way in Dunfermline and can carry Store Cards under their wings. OK, I was lying about the last bit....

Onwards and Upwards, I Guess

It has been very remiss of me to not share my musings with you lately. Much has gone on in the last few weeks and I have failed to put pen to paper, in an electronic sort of way.

I am about to start a new life, but in ways I am finding it hard to let go of the old one. Royal Mail had no such qualms. They pensioned me off in January. I miss getting out and about and meeting people. Just for nostalgia's sake here is a picture of my little "Postman Pat" van I took outside a retirement complex shortly before my accident. Quite apt really.

As for the new, Hester and I are moving to Yorkshire soon. No more commuting up and down the British isles for us. We plan to travel, but this time it will be for pleasure and not for expediency. I suspect now would NOT be a good time to buy shares in Virgin Trains given the sharp drop in revenue they will experience.

Hester started a new job in a Huddersfield school yesterday. She seems to be enjoying it, which is good. I would love to work in education again but after the "incident" at Girton Ladies college many years ago I fear my services would not be sought after.

I promise to not be such a stranger in future. I am going through scary times at the moment and would love to share them with you. It's a big thing to do what I am doing at my age, but I have never lost my sense of adventure despite all my recent hard times, and I hope I never will.

Sweeney You Swine

I have decided to shelve my plans to start a travelogue, for now. Instead I am going to comment, yet again, on the lamentable state of British TV. The reason being I lost a valuable hour of my life, earlier in the week, watching Claire Sweeney: My Big Fat Diet. I should know better than to expect intelligent life at ITV1, but I'm an eternal optimist.
I can't wait to see how Ms Sweeney's programme does at this years BAFTA awards. I put it as the front runner for the "Most Tedious Rehash of the Bleedin' Obvious" gong.
And it gets better. "Here's the science bit" as a famous advert used to say. If Claire eats too much she puts on weight! And not only that. If she puts on weight she finds it harder to jump up and down. If I were to say Nobel, Prize, Physics and Chemistry, I am sure you know what I mean. I'm sure she's got this year all sewn up, and it's only January.
The other BAFTA this piece is bound to scoop is "Programme Most Likely to Make the Average Woman Feel Bad about Herself". Well done Claire, you push off to your expensive gym to shed the pounds you piled on for this ludicrous "experiment".
Then the only thing heavy about you will be the big fat cheque you got for taking part in this charade.

Tempus Fugit (as the posh people say)

It seems that six months have flown by since I last put pen to paper, so to speak. My life has been turned upside down in the last year, as my regular readers know, and the latter half of 2008 was all a bit of a blur, hence the title.

Hester and I did a lot of travelling between Auld Reekie (Edinburgh) and her house in Darkest England, and as a consequence, I have acquired a strange desire to manufacture and sell clothes pegs!

For now, though, I am just going to say a quick hello. More to follow later, Much more.

Take care my dears.

Oh Dear, Oh Dear

After having spent far too much time watching daytime TV in the last few weeks I have finally dragged myself away from the set to try and get my life back on course. Maybe it's my age or possibly it's a by-product of my accident but I feel an even stronger desire, than before, to highlight the world's wrongs. You may think I have lost a bit of my decorum in the process but it is possibly necessary in order to get my point across.
A prime example is "Big Brother"
I can only stand so much of the goings-on of the IQ minus contestants but I did enjoy the companion programmes.
Not any more.
Russell Brand has long since stopped doing the late night programme and now "Big Brother's Little Brother" has gone to the dogs due to the departure of the lovely Dermot O'Leary.
And most of the blame has to be lumped on the, not inconsiderable, shoulders of new "presenter" Zezi Ifore. She has curiously adopted a very dated 1980's "yoof" style despite only having been born half way through the decade!
Although I find it morally reprehensible, I hope she got the job through some sort of "casting couch" style interview. I would hate to think she was hired because someone thought she was even vaguely capable of doing the job. I recently asked a friend if she could find a practical use for Zezi. After much thought she replied "I suppose you could use her as a paperweight, although she might take up an inordinate amount of desk space due to her bulk".
Dermot was a cheeky chappy who was well presented, witty, funny and fitted his clothes nicely. Zezi is......different.
Why not visit her blog and "marvel" at the outpourings of an alumna of Oxford University. If you manage to crack the code and translate it in to intelligible English, please let me know! You can find her at http://www.zezizezi.blogspot.com/